Flat(us) Tax

I have read last week the Enviromental Protection Agency was considering posting a tax on cattle of $175 a head and a lesser tax for sheep.

I am all for this since it is definitely the cows who are destroying the ozone layer and they certainly should be fiscally punished for all their noxious emissions. But I think the agency needs to take this a step farther. I therefore propose and annual flatuance tax;



Sheep/goats: $125 each
Swine: $150 each
Horses: $175 each
Poultry: $15
Dogs: $75
Cats: $50
Rodents: large: $10 small: $2.50





People: See following categories:

Vegetarians regardless of gender: $450

People from the following cities:

NYC: $500 (Pizza - Hot Dogs)

Chicago: (Pizza - Hot Dogs)

Boston (beans): $500

Cincinnati (chili): $500

Texas - the entire state (chili): $500

All others:
Men: $150
Women: $100
Children: $75

Additionally I would impose a 10 cent per ounce surtax on beer, carbonated beverages, Mexican food, Shredded Wheat and White Castle hamburgers.


Please do your part to support my campaign to initiate this tax to help save our enviroment and restore the Ozone layer.