From Tribune Voices author REX W. HUPPKE
This
is an urgent call to action for all AMERICANS who care about freedom, liberty
and NOT BEING KILLED by marauding bands of hostile foreign turkeys.
On
Wednesday, our lawless president, Emperor Barack Hussein Caesar Obama the
Dictator King, will goose-step into the Rose Garden, wipe his feet on the
Constitution and do something no president in the history of this great nation
has ever done: pardon a turkey.
That’s
right, just days before Thanksgiving, Obama and his liberal cronies will grant
amnesty to a presumably delicious turkey, denying the creature its God-given
right to be eaten by a patriotic American family.
To
make matters worse, a second turkey — an “alternate” in case the first one
escapes to the safety of someone’s dinner table — will be pardoned as well.
This
is a clear violation of the will of the American people. According to the
National Turkey Federation, Americans ate 46 million turkeys last Thanksgiving.
That is a clear mandate for turkey consumption. The last thing we want or need
is big government telling us which turkeys we can or can’t kill and eat in
celebration of blessing the Native Americans with our presence.
As
expected, Emperor Obama’s boosters in the lamestream media claim there is
historical precedent for this blatant overreach of executive power. They say
every president dating back to George H.W. Bush has held an annual turkey
pardoning, but that overlooks several key points:
1)
Not a single one of those past presidents was named Barack Obama.
OK,
I guess there’s just that one key point. Regardless, there is no precedent that
justifies Obama’s plan to pardon this pair of turkeys, not even the precedent
he set by pardoning turkeys in previous years of his administration. (Those
years don’t count, because we forgot to be outraged.)
The
mere idea of these unconstitutional presidential turkey pardons has already
started tearing this country apart at the seams.
Last
week in Seattle ,
Mayor Ed Murray pardoned a tofu turkey. That’s weird, even by Seattle ’s standards, so you can just imagine
the horrors that will come next.
A
cranberry pardoning in Cape Cod . A nationwide
movement to legalize marijuana stuffing. Gravy bans.
And
the worst outcome of all will be the unprecedented wave of illiterate turkeys
that will soon be waddling across our northern and southern borders, drawn in
by Obama’s promise of amnesty and free medical services under Ogobblecare.
Those
opportunistic turkeys will swiftly take the jobs of hardworking Americans, most
likely members of Congress and telephone customer service representatives.
And once Obama the Turkey Tyrant makes them all legal citizens, the Democrats
will have an unbeatable base of human/bird voters to help them seize control of
government and turn the nation into a vegan welfare aviary.
That
nightmare scenario doesn’t even factor in national security. A group of turkeys
is known as a “gang,” so some of these illegal birds will undoubtedly be gang
members. And founding father and noted electricity socialist Benjamin Franklin
once described the turkey as “a much more respectable bird” than the bald
eagle, indicating a plot against America hatched generations ago.
Clearly,
Obama must be stopped before America
is irrevocably changed.
I’m
calling on all members of Congress who believe in freedom to halt this imperial
president by suing him, threatening to impeach him and refusing to confirm any
of his judicial or executive nominees. So basically just keep doing what you’re
doing.
As
for the rest of you, please take to social media and e-protest Obama’s unlawful
activity by using the hashtag #ProtestThePardon. By tweeting at the top of our
lungs, our collective voice might be loud enough to put the president in his
place (prison) and the turkeys in theirs (on large serving trays).
Nothing
less than the future of our democracy and the succulence of our Thanksgiving
dinners are at stake.
May
God bless us and protect us from this fowl tyranny
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