Sunday, February 18, 2018

School Shootings

The faces of those killed at Marjorie Stoneman Douglas High School
I do not have an answer.

Friends, and pundits argue about gun control.

A recent video is going viral from a student at Douglas High School in which every other word is the "F" word. I can appreciate that anger is part of the grieving process, and those students have every right to be angry; hurt and angry.

I went to school at a time when no one would think of bring a gun on school premises. If you had a beef with someone, you went behind the stadium bleachers and duked it out.

Christians lament the fact that we have taken prayer, and God out of school. They have a point. But in this era, God is no longer allowed or spoken of in most homes.

What I want to know, how is it that kids get access to expensive and high powered weapons? An AK-15 costs on average $650 to $1200. I have no idea how much the ammunition costs.

By law, in some states a person can buy a gun when they are 18 years old, but they cannot buy beer or liquor.

Are parents so caught up in their own lives that they are not paying attention to what their children are doing? We have gotten to the point that for most families, it takes two incomes to maintain a decent standard of living. This means little or no adult supervision.

Many children grow up in a one parent home, due to divorce, or parents that never marry. There may be friction between the responsible adults over money or supervision. 

There is so much prurient violence in television shows, movies, and video games that leads to desensitization. Death has become meaningless.

Look at our inner cities. We come to expect that at least one gang-banger is getting killed on a nightly basis. This usually has to do with drugs. We don't see the fact that this was someone's child.

A White supremacy claims that the Douglas High School shooter was a member. Are the police going to look into these morons to corroborate that claim?

But the fact remains that 17 precious lives were snuffed out.

It is easy to point the finger at Congress, or the President of the United States, and the FBI, but what about clues this boy left behind. He was expelled for disruptive behavior, and the police were at his home 36 times.

I don't have an answer.

In 2005 I went to a concert to see Buddy and Julie Miller perform. Both are singers and songwriters. Buddy is a Nashville legend and a record producer.

Julie is a very sweet soul, and stopped the show to talk about a song she had written called Rachel.

Rachel Scott
Rachel Scott was the first one of the 13 children killed at Columbine High School in 1999. This precious child was gunned down and murdered after the two shooters asked her if she believed in God.

Julie read a book that Rachel's parents had written and was inspired to write about this sweet young lady, then wrote this song.

It is heartbreaking that. 19 years later the words of this song still ring true.

Seventeen years, how could we know? 
And thirteen years to make a flower grow 
Tears that fell from your eyes 
Were the ones heaven cries 
For the children left to walk alone 

There is a life no one can take 
There is a chain of love no one can break 
In all the world there is No life greater than this 
To lay down your life for your friends 

And did you feel the longing? 
And did you hear a sacred song? 
And did you sing it out to the dark? 
And did you follow the footsteps? 
Did you shine a light and did 
You dance with all of your heart? 

And did you feel the longing? 
And did you hear a sacred song? 
And did you sing it out to the dark? 
And did you follow the footsteps? 
Did you shine a light and did 
You dance with all of your heart? 

Shine like a star beloved child 
Upon you the angels all have smiled 
God takes you by the hand 
Dance for joy little lamb 
In the arms of God forever more 
Dance in the arms of God forever more.

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Black and White TV

I think you'll enjoy this. Whoever wrote it could have been my next door neighbor because it totally described my childhood to a 'T.'

Television in the 1950's
Black and White Black and White (Under age 45? You won't understand) You could hardly see for all the snow, Spread the rabbit ears as far as they go.

Huntley and Brinkley
 'Good Night, David. Good Night, Chet.'

My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning.

My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter and I used to eat it raw sometimes, too. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in ice pack coolers, but I can't remember getting E.coli.

Swimming in the lake
Almost all of us would Have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then. The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system. We all took gym, not PE.. and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Ked's (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors.

I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now.

Gym Class in the 1960's
Flunking gym was not an option... Even for stupid kids! I guess PE must be much harder than gym. Speaking of school, we all said prayers and sang the national anthem, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention. We must have had horribly damaged psyches. What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything. I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself. I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations Oh yeah... And where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed!

Wally and The Beaver
We played 'king of the hill' on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked. Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $99 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.

She's needs a spanking!
We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either; because if we did we got our butt spanked there and then we got our butt spanked again when we got home. I recall Donny Reynolds from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop, just before he fell off. Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house. Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being such a jerk. It was a neighborhood run amuck.

Dysfunctional Family?
To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have known that? We needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes. We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac! How did we ever survive?


Saturday, June 04, 2016

A Wise Chinese Doctor.

Q: Doctor,  I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.  Is this true? 

A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it…don’t waste on exercise.  Everything wear out eventually.  Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster.  Want to live longer?  Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? 

A: You must grasp logistical efficiency.  What does cow eat?   Hay and corn.  And what are these?   Vegetables.  So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.  Need grain?  Eat chicken.  Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).  And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? 

A:  No, not at all.  Wine made from fruit.  Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way.  Beer also made of grain.  Bottom up!

Q: How  can I calculate my body/fat ratio?  

A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.  If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What  are some of  the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? 

A: Can’t think of single one, sorry.  My philosophy is: No pain…good! 

Q:  Aren’t fried foods bad for you?  

A:  YOU NOT LISTENING!  Food are fried these day in vegetable oil.  In fact, they permeated by it.  How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!? 

Q:  Will  sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not!  When you exercise muscle, it get bigger.  You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q:  Is chocolate bad for me?  

A:  Are you crazy?!?  HEL-LO-O!!  Cocoa bean!  Another vegetable!  It best feel-good food around!

Q:  Is swimming good for your figure?  

A:  If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me.

Q:  Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?  

A:  Hey!  ‘Round’ a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And  remember: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safelyin an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up,  totally worn out and screaming “WOO-HOO, what a  ride!!”

Friday, May 13, 2016

A Primer on the Use of a Restroom That is Appropriate With the Gender That You Identify With. (sorry about the dangling participle)

As you are aware President Obama brilliantly had the United States Justice Department and Attorney General Loretta Lynch.send an order to all federally funded schools, institutions and government buildings yesterday which made it illegal for these institutions  to deny access to the public restroom that any transgender person chooses to use regardless of whether they have a “winky” or a “hoo-hoo”. This order was not just confined to public restrooms, but included public locker rooms, changing rooms and shower facilities.  The order further went on to state violation of this order would result in loss of federal funding that the organization receives.

I am not certain if this order defines how to differentiate transgender individuals from those people who just want to get a peek into the restroom that they are not used to visiting for curiosity sake or those with a prurient interest, but I believe this point is extremely important and would hope the law would define these parameters.

But law is law and we need to live with it, I guess. So as a public service I offer a Primer on the Use of Restrooms for those not in the know and are using one that you usually do not visit..

I consider myself to be an expert on use of the Men’s Room facilities as I have acquired nearly 65 years of experience. So for trans-gendered folks born with female equipment, may I make these suggestions.

1.Do not poop in the urinals. They are called urinals for this reason.

2.When picking out which urinal to use, the piddle to floor ratio is very important. In other words pick the urinal with the least amount of urine on the floor directly below or in front of it. It helps keep your shoes clean. As a word of explanation.

There are two reasons for piddle in front of a urinal.
    Number One. It should be mandatory that urinal have signs reading, "Stand Close. It's shorter than you think."
    Number Two. With the epidemic of obesity, many men have not seen their "manservant" since they were about three years old.
3.Since you are not endowed with the necessary equipment to stand and deliver, I am not certain how you are going to accomplish using the urinal. For now this will present a problem, but I am confident that modern science will come up with a solution. But remember this; do not drop your trousers to the floor to pee. Use the zippers fly and the slot in your under-roos to urinate.

There are two reasons for this method of relieving ones self:
   Number one; it is inappropriate to show your bare ass to those in the restroom.
   Number two; your pants will probably soak up the pee on the floor that was left from the guy    who used the facility before your visit.

4.Please know that the appropriate behavior is not to look to the right or to the left at other participants. Either stare straight forward at the wall or look down to make sure you are piddling into the urinal and not on the floor or on your own shoes..

5.Do not use toilet paper to clean yourself. TP will not flush in the urinal. The appropriate action is to shake off. Remember the old adage, “No matter how much you shake it and dance; a few drops still go down your pants.” 

6.When using the toilet for number two, although this behavior is verboten in the Lady’s room, it is OK to make grunt noises in the Men’s room.

7.It is probably not a good idea to have painted toenails if you are wearing sandals or flip flops while sitting in the stall. This may cause the guy in the stall next to you to wonder if he is in the right restroom.

8.Men do not pass toilet paper to each other. So don’t ask.

The only time I have visited the Lady’s room was a few years back when I had a concussion and was waiting to be seen in the Emergency Room and was a little woozy. I sauntered into the Lady’s room inadvertently and my first thought was “where the hell are all the urinals?”

So for all the transgender folks born with a “winky” I hope this helps.

1.There are no urinals in the "ladies" room. Pee in the toilet located  in one of the stalls.

2.The appropriate style to urinate is to sit down on the toilet. No more standing, as this will upset the user in the next stall.

from Getty Images

3.Learn the following phrase: “Honey, could you please pass some toilet paper under the stall.”

4.No more shaking, only wiping.

5.No grunting noises in the Lady’s room if you are having a difficult bowel movement. This behavior is inappropriate.

I hope this advice is helpful when you are visiting a different restroom than the one you are used to using. Or as I like to put it, “Boldly going where no man has gone before.”

Oh yes, before I forget; Please remember to flush.

Saturday, February 20, 2016

Trump and Hilary are in a bar...

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are in a bar. Donald leans over, and with a smile on his face, says, “The media are really tearing you apart for that scandal.”

Hillary: “You mean my lying about Benghazi?”

Trump: “No, the other one.” Hillary: “You mean the massive voter fraud?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “You mean the military not getting their votes counted?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “Using my secret private server with classified material to hide my activities?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “The NSA monitoring our phone calls, emails and everything else?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “Using the Clinton Foundation as a cover for tax evasion, hiring cronies, and taking bribes from foreign countries?

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “You mean the drones being operated in our own country without the benefit of the law?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “Giving 123 Technologies $300 Million, and right afterward it declared bankruptcy and was sold to the Chinese?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “You mean arming the Muslim Brotherhood and hiring them in the White House?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “Whitewater, Watergate committee, Vince Foster, commodity deals?”

Trump: “No the other one:”

Hillary: “The IRS targeting conservatives?”

Trump: “No the other one:” Hillary: “Turning Libya into chaos?”

Trump: “No the other one:”

Hillary: “Trashing Mubarak, one of our few Muslim friends?”

Trump: “No the other one:”

Hillary: “Turning our backs on Israel?”

Trump: “No the other one:”

Hillary: “The joke Iran Nuke deal? ”

Trump: “No the other one:”

Hillary: “Leaving Iraq in chaos? ”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “The DOJ spying on the press?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “You mean HHS Secretary Sibelius shaking down health insurance executives?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “Giving our cronies in SOLYNDRA $500 MILLION DOLLARS and 3 months later they declared bankruptcy and then the Chinese bought it?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “The NSA monitoring citizens’ ?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “The State Department interfering with an Inspector General investigation on departmental sexual misconduct?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “Me, The IRS, Clapper and Holder all lying to Congress?”

Trump: “No, the other one.” Hillary: “

Threats to all of Bill’s former mistresses to keep them quiet”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “I give up! … Oh wait, I think I’ve got it! When I stole the White House furniture, silverware and china when Bill left Office?”

Trump: “THAT’S IT!"

Hilary: "I almost forgot about that one”.

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

The Quotes of Steven Wright:

1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ..... But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever ... So far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Quit trashing Obama's accomplishments.

He has done more than any other President before him. Here is a list of his impressive accomplishments:

1. First President to be photographed smoking a joint.

2. First President to apply for college aid as a foreign student, then deny he was a foreigner.

3. First President to have a social security number from a state he has never lived in.

4. First President to preside over a cut to the credit-rating of the United States.

5. First President to violate the War Powers Act.

6. First President to be held in contempt of court for illegally obstructing oil drilling in the Gulf of Mexico.

7. First President to require all Americans to purchase a product from a third party.

8. First President to spend a trillion dollars on "shovel-ready" jobs when there was no such thing as "shovel-ready" jobs.

9. First President to abrogate bankruptcy law to turn over control of companies to his union supporters.

10. First President to by-pass Congress and implement the Dream Act through executive fiat.

11. First President to order a secret amnesty program that stopped the deportation of illegal immigrants across the U.S., including those with criminal convictions.

12. First President to demand a company hand-over $20 billion to one of his political appointees.

13. First President to tell a CEO of a major corporation (Chrysler) to resign.

14. First President to terminate America’s ability to put a man in space.

15. First President to cancel the National Day of Prayer and to say that America is no longer a Christian nation.

16. First President to have a law signed by an auto-pen without being present.

17. First President to arbitrarily declare an existing law unconstitutional and refuse to enforce it.

18. First President to threaten insurance companies if they publicly spoke out on the reasons for their rate increases.

19. First President to tell a major manufacturing company in which state it is allowed to locate a factory.

20. First President to file lawsuits against the states he swore an oath to protect (AZ, WI, OH, IN).

21. First President to withdraw an existing coal permit that had been properly issued years ago.

22. First President to actively try to bankrupt an American industry (coal).

23. First President to fire an inspector general of AmeriCorps for catching one of his friends in a corruption case.

24. First President to appoint 45 czars to replace elected officials in his office.

25. First President to surround himself with radical left wing anarchists.

26. First President to golf more than 150 separate times in his five years in office.

27. First President to hide his birth, medical, educational and travel records.

28. First President to win a Nobel Peace Prize for doing NOTHING to earn it.

29. First President to go on multiple "global apology tours" and concurrent "insult our friends" tours.

30. First President to go on over 17 lavish vacations, in addition to date nights and Wednesday evening White House parties for his friends paid for by the taxpayers.

31. First President to have personal servants (taxpayer funded) for his wife.

32. First President to keep a dog trainer on retainer for $102,000 a year at taxpayer expense.

33. First President to fly in a personal trainer from Chicago at least once a week at taxpayer expense.

34. First President to repeat the Quran and tell us the early morning call of the Azan (Islamic call to worship) is the most beautiful sound on earth.

35. First President to side with a foreign nation over one of the American 50 states (Mexico vs Arizona).

36. First President to tell the military men and women that they should pay for their own private insurance because they "volunteered to go to war and knew the consequences."

37. Then he was the First President to tell the members of the military that THEY were    UNPATRIOTIC for balking at the last suggestion.

Now see, you thought he has not accomplished anything during the past eight years.