Wednesday, February 27, 2013

DID YOU KNOW what is the main Ingredient of WD-40?




WD-40 ~ Who knew!

I had a neighbor who bought a new pickup.
I got up very early one Sunday morning and saw that someone had spray painted red all around the sides of this beige truck (for some unknown reason).
I went over, woke him up, and told him the bad news.
He was very upset and was trying to figure out what to do....
probably nothing until Monday morning, since nothing was open.
Another neighbor came out and told him to get his WD-40 and clean it off.
It removed the unwanted paint beautifully and did not harm his paint job that was on the truck. I was impressed!

WD-40 who knew?
"Water Displacement #40".
The product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent and degreaser to protect missile parts.
WD-40 was created in 1953, by three technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company.
Its name comes from the project that was to find a 'Water Displacement' Compound.
They were finally successful for a formulation, with their fortieth attempt, thus WD-40.
The 'Convair Company' bought it in bulk to protect their atlas missile parts.
Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you.
When you read the 'shower door' part, try it.
It's the first thing that has ever cleaned that spotty shower door.
If yours is plastic, it works just as well as on glass.
It's a miracle!
Then try it on your stovetop.
It's now shinier than it's ever been.
You'll be amazed.


WD-40 Uses:
1. Protects silver from tarnishing.
2. Removes road tar and grime from cars.
3. Cleans and lubricates guitar strings.
4. Gives floor that 'just-waxed' sheen without making them slippery.
5. Keeps the flies off of Cows, Horses, and other Farm Critters, as well. (Ya gotta love this one!!!)
6. Restores and cleans chalkboards.
7. Removes lipstick stains.
8. Loosens stubborn zippers.
9. Untangles jewelry chains.
10. Removes stains from stainless steel sinks.
11. Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill.
12. Keeps ceramic / terracotta garden pots from oxidizing.
13. Removes tomato stains from clothing.
14. Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots.
15. Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors.
16. Keeps scissors working smoothly.
17. Lubricates noisy door hinges on both home and vehicles doors.
18. It removes that nasty tar and scuff marks from the kitchen flooring.
It doesn't seem to harm the finish and you won't have to scrub nearly as hard to get them off.
Just remember to open some windows if you have a lot of marks.
19. Remove those nasty Bug guts that will eat away the finish on your car if not removed quickly!
20. Gives a children's playground gym slide a shine for a super fast slide.
21. Lubricates gearshift and mower deck lever for ease of handling on riding mowers...
22. Rids kids rocking chair and swings of squeaky noises.
23. Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to open.
24. Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close.
25. Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles, as well as vinyl bumpers.
26. Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles.
27. Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans.
28. Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons, and bicycles for easy handling.
29. Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them running smoothly.
30. Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools.
31. Removes grease splatters from stovetops.
32. Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging.
33. Lubricates prosthetic limbs.
34. Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell).
35. Removes all traces of duct tape.
36. Folks even spray it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain.
37. Florida's favorite use is: 'cleans and removes love bugs from grills and bumpers.'
38. The favorite use in the state of New York, it protects the Statue of Liberty from the elements.
39. WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a little on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in no time. Also, it's a lot cheaper than the chemical attractants that are made for just that purpose.
Keep in mind though, using some chemical laced baits or lures for fishing are not allowed in some states.
40. Use it for fire ant bites. It takes the sting away immediately and stops the itch.
41. It is great for removing crayon from walls. Spray it on the marks and wipe with a clean rag.
42. Also, if you've discovered that your teenage daughter has washed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry, saturate the lipstick spots with WD-40 and rewash. Presto! The lipstick is gone!
43. If you spray it inside a wet distributor cap, it will displace the moisture, allowing the engine to start.

P.S.
As for that Basic, Main Ingredient.......
Well.... it's FISH OIL....
Who would have guessed ? ? ?

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Wax On - Wax Off

A very good lady friend sent me this story. Thank you Sherri.



My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet. So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. 

It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.   (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.

'Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!

I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out.....must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.
I hold up the strip!     There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch the strip. I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake... remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop, my head may pop off!  What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand, into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub....in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax!!!

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me u ndone. It's a very good conversation starter. 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, Are we talking cheeks or hoo-ha?'

She's laughing out loud by now . I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.  IT WORKS!!

It works!!  I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

Friday, February 22, 2013

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Dear Mr. President



Dear Mr. President:

During my shift in the Emergency Room last night, I had the pleasure of evaluating a patient whose smile revealed an expensive Shiny gold tooth, whose body was adorned with a wide assortment of elaborate and costly tattoos, who wore a very expensive brand of tennis shoes and who chatted on a new cellular telephone equipped with a popular R&B ringtone. 

While glancing over her Patient chart, I happened to notice that her payer status was listed as "Medicaid"! During my examination of her, the patient informed me that she smokes more than one costly pack of cigarettes every day and somehow still has money to buy pretzels and beer. 

And, you and our Congress expect me to pay for this woman's health care? 

I contend that our nation's "health care crisis" is not the result of a shortage of quality hospitals, doctors or nurses. Rather, it is the result of a "crisis of culture", a culture in which it is perfectly acceptable to spend money on luxuries and vices while refusing to take care of one's self or, heaven forbid, purchase health insurance. 

It is a culture based on the irresponsible credo that "I can do whatever I want to because someone else will always take care of me". Once you fix this "culture crisis" that rewards irresponsibility and dependency, you'll be amazed at how quickly our nation's health care difficulties will disappear. 

Respectfully, 
STARNER JONES, MD

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Diary of a Blonde




MONDAY: It's so much fun to cook for Ron. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. Fortunately, the neighbors were kind enough to loan me some extra bowls.

TUESDAY: Ron wanted fruit salad for dinner. The recipe said serve without dressing so, I didn't dress. What a surprise when Ron brought his boss home for dinner.

WEDNESDAY: A great day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed sort of silly, but I took a shower. I can't say it improved the rice any.

THURSDAY: Today, Ron asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up to Ron asking me why I was rolling around in the garden.

FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was exactly the same as when I left.

SATURDAY: Ron did the grocery shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (Oh boy). For some strange reason, Ron keeps counting to ten.

SUNDAY: Ron's parents came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast, but all I could find was hamburger. Suddenly, I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. Much to my disappointment, it still came out hamburger.

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY: This has been such an exciting week. I can hardly wait for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Ron. If only we could get a larger oven, I would love to surprise him with Chocolate Moose

Sunday, February 10, 2013

The Twilight Zone


Many years before “Twilight”, there existed an excellent television series  called The Twilight Zone.
This show was created by the brilliant writer Rod Serling, it mixed science fiction, psychological drama, suspense and fantasy together in one half-hour story that usually ended with a bizarre twist of fate.
Serling wrote for radio and was a fan of pulp fiction stories. If you ever listen to the old radio show X-Minus One, the premise is similar to Serling’s Twilight Zone.
Unlike Twilight the series, the Twilight Zone episodes were made up of 156 unrelated stories. The first episode aired in 1959. This was an era of racism, civil injustice, big government, McCarthyism, mass hysteria, and the Cold War with it’s fear nuclear inhalation. 
The Twilight Zone took on all of these topics and was the first television broadcast to take on such forbidden topics.
Rod Serling wrote approximately two thirds of the episodes. This list of prestigious writers that wrote the remaining episodes is classic and include Charles Beaumont, a great short story writer, Ray Bradbury, whose science fiction novels are famous, Earl Hamner Jr., writer of The Waltons and a friend of Serling when the both worked at WLW radio in Cincinnati as staff writer, George Clayton Johnson, who went on to write Logan’s Run,  Richard Matheson, a science fiction and horror story writer, and Jerry Sohl, who wrote for Alfred Hitchcock Presents, The Outer Limits and Star Trek.

Their stories were presented in the form of fables and always left the viewer with something to think about. This was an era of a lot of censorship of radio and television. By presenting these dramas in the form of a modern fable, the author could make their point without reprisal from the censor for being too inflammatory.




The shows opening music featured an erie and repetitive 4 note guitar solo, played by Barney Kessel and a bongo drum that leads into a modern rhythmic theme right before Mr. Serling's voiceover.

Rod Serling always introduced this show. He had a wonderful and distinct deep voice. He used a number of opening lines, but my favorite has always been;

"You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead - your next stop, the Twilight Zone!"





Friday, February 08, 2013

Your Collar is Backwards


A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.  
The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.

The man, who was a priest, said, " I am a Father." 

The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that." 


The priest looked up from his book and answered, "I am the Father of many .

The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!"

The priest, getting impatient, said . "I am the Father of hundreds", and went back to reading his book.


The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."

Thursday, February 07, 2013

Wednesday, February 06, 2013

Songs of My Youth


As I approach my 61st birthday, I remember the music and rhymes of my childhood. Not the music we learned in school of the nice rhymes and songs our parents taught us, but  the songs we sang on the street with our friends.

Your team had a steamboat,
the steamboat had a bell.
My team had a submarine
and blew it up to..

Hell-o operator,

give me number nine
and if you cannot reach them
I'll kick your fat...

Behind the refrigerator 

there is a piece of glass
and if you go and slip on it,
you'll fall and cut your..

Ass-k me no more questions

tell me no more lies
The boys are in the girls' room,
zipping up their..

 flies are in the meadow,
the bees are in the park.
Miss Susie and her boyfriend are kissing
in the D-A-R-K,
D-A-R-K
D-A-R-K
Dark, dark dark!


I wonder if they still write music like that?  How about one of my favorites;




Great green gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts,
Mutilated monkey meat,
little dirty birdies feet.
Great green gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts.
That's what we had for lunch.

Whenever we played a team sport or decided who went first, it was imperative to recite this rhyme.  Keep in mind I was born in 1952 and we grew up with racism.


Eenie, meanie, minie mo,
Catch a N (n-word) by the toe.
If he hollers let him go.
Eenie, meanie, minie mo.

My mother told me to pick the very best one

and Y-O-U is you.

Popeye was all the rage on children's TV.  




I'm Popeye the sailor man,

I live in a garbage can.
I eat all the worms 
and spit out the germs
I'm Popeye the sailor man.

Children didn't live on fast food back then, therefore obesity was probably genetic. We cruel little bastards could not resist a rhyme to make fun of the fatties.




Fatty, fatty two by four
Can't get through the bathroom door.
So he did it on the floor.
Wiped it up and did some more.

Boys were supposed to be friends with boys and girls be friends with girls. God help you if your best friend was someone of the opposite sex.




John and Mary sitting in a tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
First comes love
then comes marriage,
then comes Mary with a baby carriage.

School was a target of youthful songs.




My eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school
We have tortured all the teachers, we have broken all the rules.
Now we're off to the office, to hang the principal.
Our school is burning down.

Glory, glory hallelujah,

Teacher hit me with a ruler.
So I bopped her on the beanie
with a rotten tangerinie.
Our school is burning down.

Some of the songs were actually recordings of the day, such as this one.



On top of spaghetti,
all covered with cheese.
I lost my poor meatball,
when somebody sneezed.

It rolled off the table

and onto the floor
and then my poor meatball
rolled out the door.

It rolled in the garden

and under a bush.
And then my poor meatball
was nothing but mush.

The mush was a tasty,

as tasty could be.
And then the next summer,
It grew into a tree.

The tree was all covered

all covered with moss, 
and on it grew meatballs
in spaghetti sauce.

So if you eat spaghetti,

all covered with cheese.
Hold on to your meatball,
whenever you sneeze.

A milk additive called Bosco was being advertised on TV. So we had to plagiarize the  commercials tune with this delightful version.




I hate Bosco, it is bad for me.

Mommy puts it in my milk to try to poison me.

I fooled Mommy, I put it in her tea.

Now I have no Mommy who tries to poison me.

I went to summer camp and learned this ditty.




Willy went down in a bucket.

The bucket went down in a well.
His wife cut the rope to the bucket
and Willy went straight down to..

Ting-a-ling-a-ling. Tra-la-la-la.

Sweet are the voices that sing from afar.


Ting-a-ling-a-ling. Tra-la-la-la.
He played on his Spanish guitar.

We had class trips and a bus was rented to drive us to our destination. Our poor teachers and a few brave parent volunteers were always serenaded by this tune.



Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall.
Ninety-nine bottles of beer.
You take one down and pass it around,
there's ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall.

Here is one that my Mom taught me. I think it comes from the song, "It Ain't Gonna' Rain No More."

I woke up this morning and gazed upon the wall,
The bedbugs and the skeeters were havin' a game of ball.
The score was one to nothing the skeeters were ahead.
The bedbugs hit a homerun and knocked me out of bed.

Perhaps you may have heard different lyrics to all of the tunes. But the above is the versions that I recall.

I have to wonder if the children of today are growing up with their own treasury of rhymes or do they just know the background music to their computer games.

Saturday, February 02, 2013

BE CAREFUL WHERE YOU SHINE THE LIGHT



Arkansas Delivery



In the backwoods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night. The doctor was called in to assist in the delivery.




To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.

"Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down. I think there's yet another wee one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another baby.

"Now don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man. It seems there's yet another!" cried the doctor.


The new father scratched his head in bewilderment and asked the doctor. "Do ya think it's the light that's attractin' them?"

Friday, February 01, 2013