Saturday, December 31, 2011

Happy Holidays

Someone sent this to me. It reminds me of Monty Python. So without further adieu, it's time for something completely different...

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Driving in the South.

My daughter lives in Tennessee.




I live in the northern part of Kentucky, which the rest of Kentucky calls Ohio.


As you travel northeast to New Jersey, Connecticut, New York, 
Massachusetts or west to Los Angeles you will find that driving in these states is at your own risk. The drivers in those states are maniacs. 

This also holds true in all of California. For a non-Californian, driving there is an excercise in white-knuckles.


But the South is a different story. Not only is it a different world, where the Civil War is still a topic of hot debate, the South is well...polite.

And drivers are polite. They are either courteous to a fault, or have a bad case of freeway phobia and will stop on the entrance ramp rather than merge. At certain times, once they stop, you can be there behind them for quite a spell. If they couldn't merge at speed, can you imagine them jumping in from a stop? You just have to wait.


Center lines on back roads are often regarded as suggestions. Even the double yellow lines are disregarded if the driver feels the need to pass the vehicle in front of him. Which more often than not is painted green and displays the John Deere logo.

Now some of the locals would rather attach their canoe, ladder, or other rooftop cargo with a single bungee cord or piece of twine and mosey for miles rather than secure the load and drive. Combined with the local regard for center lines, coming upon a vehicle with rooftop cargo ahead of you is probably a good time to stop for lunch.

Speeders have out of state plates. Speeders with local plates usually drive a pickup with a Budweiser bed liner and a horn that plays the first measure of Dixie.

The Truckers in the South seem to have forgotten how to shift gears. They will routinely block uphill traffic because they were going fast enough at the bottom to get halfway past another truck by the top, regardless of posted lane restrictions. The thought of changing gears to safely climb the hill behind another truck and remain within their engine's optimum torque curve has eluded most of them.

Horns are for other people. On the rare occasion that you hear one, the car will be from somewhere else, usually a Northern state. Damn Yankee!

Drivers here DO dim their lights for oncoming traffic, usually before entering the curve.

Unlike those on Californian interstate highways, traffic jams usually consist of conversations between passing motorists or from the vehicle to someone off the road somewhere. Sometimes the drivers and the passengers just get out of the cars and eat lunch.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

This Decades Childrens Books

I used to love it when Mom went shopping and brought us home a new "Little Golden Book."  We'd read it before going to bed.

My, my! Those books sure have changed from when I was a kid.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Made in China Bar Code information.


I have no anymousity to Chinese people, or anyone for that matter. I am concerned about food products that are imported from China. Periodically we hear a report that pet food, made in China, was tainted with some gawd-awful substance.  I have heard the same negative reports about baby formula and food. So I am somewhat skeptical when it comes to prepared food made in China. So I'll pass along this advice.

(ALWAYS READ THE LABELS ON THE FOODS YOU BUY--NO MATTER WHAT THE FRONT OF THE B...OX OR PACKAGE SAYS, TURN IT OVER AND READ THE BACK---CAREFULLY!


With all the food and pet products now coming from China , it is best to make sure you read label at the grocery store and especially Walmart when buying food products.

Many products no longer show where they were made, only give where the distributor is located.

It is important to read the bar code to track it's origin.

How to read Bar Codes .... interesting!

This may be useful to know when grocery shopping, if it's a concern to you.

GREAT WAY TO "BUY USA & CANADA " AND NOT FROM CHINA!!


The whole world is concerned about China-made "black hearted goods".

Can you differentiate which one is made in Taiwan or China ?


If the first 3 digits of the barcode are 690 691 or 692, the product is MADE IN CHINA.

471 is Made in Taiwan .

This is our right to know, but the government and related departments never educate the

public, therefore we have to RESCUE ourselves.


Nowadays, Chinese businessmen know that consumers do not prefer products "MADE IN CHINA ", so they don't show from which country it is made.


However, you may now refer to the barcode - remember if the first 3 digits are:



690-692 ... then it is MADE IN CHINA

00 - 09 ... USA & CANADA

30 - 37 FRANCE

40 - 44 GERMANY

471 .... Taiwan

49 ... JAPAN

50 ... UK


BUY USA & CANADIAN MADE by watching for "0" at the beginning of the number.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Investment tips


For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks... Watch for these mergers and acquisitions in 2012:


1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. Will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.

3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa.

5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: PouponPants.

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW!

And finally....

9. Victoria ’s Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name: TittyTittyBangBang.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Random Acts of Facebook

These were all posted by various friends. Enjoy.
















I may be wrong, but I think my friends have way too much time on their hands. 

Wednesday, October 05, 2011

Monday, September 12, 2011

It's All Downhill From Here Folks

I ran across this picture by photographer Mary Ellen Mark. I see it as a harbinger to the decline of Western Civilization.



Where are this child's parents??!!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Black Man Cookies


From the same folks that brought you Vlad the Impaler and Count Dracula, there is a new product. Romanians are scurrying to their grocery and shopping for the new taste sensation, Black Man Cookies.

This is a delicious chocolate snack that comes in the shape of a course-haired Black superhero. It is great for dipping in white milk or as a taste treat for your little Baltic racist.

So the next time you are in Bucharest or Transylvania by sure to look for Black Man Cookies on the grocery shelf.

*DISCLAIMER*

Black Man Cookies are not from the same folks that brought you Obama Waffles or the Obama Chia Pet.

Arab Spring

Does anyone know what is an Arab Spring?  For most of the summer, that is all they were discussing on the TV and radio news.

I came across this bar of soap at the supermarket. Is this what they are talking about?



Wednesday, September 07, 2011

September Thoughts


I liberal friend sent me an email that stated liberals were more intellegent than conservatives. The next day this Democratic Representative from Florida appeared in the news.  Yeah, this sure proves her point.



Me, behave? Seriously? As a child I saw Tarzan almost naked, Cinderella arrived home after midnight, Pinocchio told lies, Aladdin was a thief, Batman drove over 200 miles an hour, Snow White lived in a house with 7 men, Popeye smoked a pipe and had tattoos, Pac Man ran around to digital music while eating pills that enhanced his performance, and Shaggy and Scooby were mystery solving hippies that always had the munchies.
The fault is not mine!


BAIL'EM OUT!!! ???? Hell, back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it. They failed and it closed. Now, we are trusting the economy of our country, our banking system, our auto industry and possibly our health plans to the same nit-wits who couldn't make money running a whore house and selling whiskey?!"
"What the Hell are we thinking?"



Daddy, how was I born? 'Well, son, your mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a wifi cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room and “google”d each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: "You got Male."

Friday, August 26, 2011

Womans Hats

One of my absolute rules of life states that people love to wear funny things on their heads. For the most part these are called hats.  I am not sure why any self respecting woman, who is not Dale Evans and does not either work at the rodeo or a cattle ranch would feel the need to wear a cowboy hat. But check this lady out. She is a congresswoman from Florida.

Friday, August 05, 2011

Sir Paul

Beatle Paul McCartney played to a sell out audience of 41,500 folks in Cincinnati last night.  Tickets started at $95. The best seats were $225. Sh'eesh!  Who can afford it?

The review was good. Sir Paul (which we have to call him, since he was knighted for paying so many pounds into HM Internal Revenue) rocked for three hours non-stop.  That is pretty good, since I cannot go that long without having to visit the mens room.

This was a first for Cincinnati's Great American Ball Park as a large concert venue.

The field was covered with huge sections of plastic that protected the turf and gave concert goers the ability to be seated on the field.

A massive stage was erected that housed two 118-foot video screens. Plus the sound quality was excellent.

I'm glad that Cincinnatians and Northern Kentuckians had such a great time.










Tuesday, July 05, 2011

Sign of the Economic Downturn



My wife wanted to go back to school in 1981. We did not have a lot of money and only had one car. My job was only around three miles away from our home. I bought a moped.

Well, it was something like a moped, but with no pedals. Top speed was 25 miles per hour.


This was during the days of the Carter presidency. Inflation was terrible and we thought gas prices were outrageous. They probably were around $2.00 a gallon. The country leader explained we were facing an energy crisis.

Businesses were required to cut their energy usage by not turning on all the lights. Yeah, like that really helped! Service stations could only sell so many gallons of gas per day as a rationing measure.

I felt smug when I pulled up to the pump and filled the tank for only 25 cents, which lasted all week.

I have recently noticed quite a few people riding motor scooters. I am sure it is for the same reason. Gas prices are ridiculously high. Even with a car that gets 30 miles per gallon, it is very expensive to spend 40 or 50 dollars for a fill up.


The United States is lurching to the Third World.

Today, I witnessed a biker drive up my street on a motor scooter. Yep! He had on the grey t-shirt, blue jeans, boots a leather cap and a biker jacket with an emblem on the back. I guess things are tough all over.