Hot Dog Dreams

The Hippies had it all wrong.


Dr. Timothy Leary was way off the mark.

Today's Clubbers are foolish. You do not need mind bending drugs like LSD or Extacy to reach a state of altered consciousness.

All you need are Hot Dogs. I'll tell you what, 2 Weinies on a bun with mustard and relish taken 3 hours before bedtime will result in dreams stranger than anything Franz Kafka could write.

For instance, in last night's dream I was at work talking with a customer about his retirement plan and explaining the reason for losses in his account due to market volatility and the next thing I know I'm in a large suite sitting on a sofa with my wife.

We discover we are at the residence of former WLW talk show host Gary Burbank. His new wife is seated next to me and his 10 month old son is playing on the carpet at my feet. The child has an unusually large head that is covered with a crop of blond hair that appears to have been cut by placing a bowl over the boy's massive noggin and trimming around the edges. Burbank doesn't say too much and his wife says even less. The baby rolls over and indicates he needs a new diaper.

His mom assists in the change. I discuss a former WLW personality and mentioning that I used to be an acquaintance of Andy MacWilliams and Dusty Rhodes.

The next thing I know I am walking through a filthy parking garage in downtown Cincinnati and I am looking for my car. The garage is huge and covered in grease and dirt from all the automobile exhaust. I keep walking and walking. I don't find my car, but I do find my old car. I can see outside and it is dusk of a cold fall day.

My guitar and amplifier

I'm relieved that my guitar and amplifier are safe in the back seat. I find myself back at work on the phone once again explaining that market volatility is normal and asking the fellow if he has seen the price of gas lately.

All the while I am hoping to go to the restroom soon since I'm feeling queasy and bloated. At that point I find that I am still in bed and tell myself to wake up. Then I scurry on down the hall to the bathroom.

Yes sir, Hot Dogs are great but like all mind altering substances they do have their consequences.