Monday, December 15, 2008
You have somethin' in a size 10 wide?
Our President goes over to Iraq to visit the troops with some Holiday cheer and say his good-byes to the Iraqi president and assorted politicos. Then during a press conference an Iraqi reporter decides this would be a nice gesture to lob his size 10 Wee-juns at Mr. Bush's noggin. The reporter doffs his loafers and chunks a smelly ol' left shoe (the left foot is the one you wipe with) at our Pres'. Then, for good measure, he throws the right shoe too.
Mr. Bush, bless his ever-lovin' heart makes light of it and says, "Looks like a size 9 to me." Then with Texas-born graciousness he begs the Iraqi authorities not to be too harsh on the fellow.
We also learn that according to Iraqi customs, shoe tossing is a number one insult. That is just plain friggin' weird.
Today's newspaper announces that Malaki A'Shoochucker is now a national hero. He's out there kissing babies and leading parades. He has become the biggest thing to hit Iraq since Chemical Ali.
We later find out via the news this is not the first time he has been in trouble. He was detained by the U.S. military on suspicion of terrorism. He was also was kidnapped by Iraqi terrorists and allegedly was set free with some Dr. Sholl's foot powder as his feets were far too ripe according to unsubstantiated sources.
But ain't that just like people everywhere. Ingrates! You fight a war and attempt to instill democracy, you topple their murderin' dictator and sons and what do you get? A dirty shoe in the puss! One has to wonder how many loafers this brave conquering hero attempted to hurl at ol' Saddam's face back in the day. Oh...none you say! That's right, because instead of a leader of a country sayin' forgive him for he know not what he's done, Saddam would have had his neck in a size 24 hangin' noose with a shoe up his backside.
I say invite the joker to Texas. Some of them good ol' boys may take off their Tony Lamas and let the guy feel what it's like on the reciprocatin' end of a some size 12 American cowhide upside the head.