Weapon Grade Nose Hair Trimmers

Nasal hair consists of the usually small hairs that are in the nose, especially those near the nostrils. Biologically, the hairs act as a filter and keep dust and dirt out of the nasal passages, and strongly stimulate pain nerves if pulled out. They also help to maintain humidity in the air passages by trapping humidity as one exhales, while evaporation of trapped moisture on the hairs humidifies inhaled air.


Fellows of my age are prone to spurts of nasal folliage that can rival kudzu. Some of us are good about pruning the crops that spring up in the nose and ears. 


Then there are some of us must be begged or coerced by wives and children to trim the garden growing from our nostrils and ear canals. I never thought nasal trimmers as a weapon, but thanks be to those damnable Arab religious zealots that have forever turned civilization upside down we have learned that your Norelco Electric Nasal Pruner could possibly be considered an instrument of deadly force if it falls into the wrong hands. Read on:


A reporter and photographer from the Atlanta Journal/Constitution are traveling with the 48th Brigade Combat Team, and posting daily impressions. This is from 5/19/05:


Airline flight attendants wouldn’t be ignored during their pre-flight safety briefings if they could perform like Lt. Col. John King—or at least use his stage props.


Speaking to 280 fellow soldiers before they boarded a chartered DC-10 at the start of their marathon flight from Savannah to Kuwait City earlier this week, King was thunderous, blunt and well armed with an M-16 rifle slung over his shoulder.


“Interfering with a flight crew is a serious crime,” he told them. “Don’t be stupid. Don’t be a moron. Don’t even joke about going to Havana. That’s not where we’re headed today.”


King, who in civilian life is the Doraville police chief, rolled his eyes at the FAA regulation that requires soldiers — all of whom were armed with an arsenal of assault rifles, shotguns and pistols — to surrender pocket knives, nose hair scissors and cigarette lighters.


“If you have any of those things,” he said, almost apologetically, “put them in this box now.”