Saturday, July 19, 2008

On Being From The South - Part 1

Forty Things You Will Never Hear A Southern Boy Say

40: Oh, I just couldn't, she's only sixteen
39: I'll take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex.
38: Duct tape won't fix that.
37: Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
36: Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35: We don't keep firearms in this house.
34: Has anybody seen the sideburns' trimmer?
33: You can't feed that to the dog.
32: I thought Graceland was tacky.
31: No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30: Wrestling's fake.
29: Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28: We're vegetarians.
27: Do you think my gut's too big?
26: I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25: Honey, we don't need another dog.
24: Who gives a Damn who won the Civil War?
23: Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22: Too many deer heads detract from the decor
21: Spittin is such a nasty habit.

20: I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
19: Trim the fat off that steak.
18: Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17: The tires on that truck are too big.
16: I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15: I've got it all on the C: drive.
14: Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13: Would you like your fish poached or broiled?

12: My fiance, Bobbie Joe, is registered at Tiffany's
11: I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10: Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
9: Checkmate.
8: She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
7: Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6: Hey, here's an episode of Hee Haw that we haven't seen.
5: I don't have a favorite college team.
4: Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

3: You All
2: Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
1: Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin' tonight.

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