Thursday, November 27, 2014

Obama endangers nation with turkey-pardon scheme

From Tribune Voices author REX W. HUPPKE


Dear Fellow Patriots:

   This is an urgent call to action for all AMERICANS who care about freedom, liberty and NOT BEING KILLED by marauding bands of hostile foreign turkeys.

   On Wednesday, our lawless president, Emperor Barack Hussein Caesar Obama the Dictator King, will goose-step into the Rose Garden, wipe his feet on the Constitution and do something no president in the history of this great nation has ever done: pardon a turkey.

   That’s right, just days before Thanksgiving, Obama and his liberal cronies will grant amnesty to a presumably delicious turkey, denying the creature its God-given right to be eaten by a patriotic American family.

   To make matters worse, a second turkey — an “alternate” in case the first one escapes to the safety of someone’s dinner table — will be pardoned as well.

   This is a clear violation of the will of the American people. According to the National Turkey Federation, Americans ate 46 million turkeys last Thanksgiving. That is a clear mandate for turkey consumption. The last thing we want or need is big government telling us which turkeys we can or can’t kill and eat in celebration of blessing the Native Americans with our presence.

   As expected, Emperor Obama’s boosters in the lamestream media claim there is historical precedent for this blatant overreach of executive power. They say every president dating back to George H.W. Bush has held an annual turkey pardoning, but that overlooks several key points:

   1) Not a single one of those past presidents was named Barack Obama.

   OK, I guess there’s just that one key point. Regardless, there is no precedent that justifies Obama’s plan to pardon this pair of turkeys, not even the precedent he set by pardoning turkeys in previous years of his administration. (Those years don’t count, because we forgot to be outraged.)

   The mere idea of these unconstitutional presidential turkey pardons has already started tearing this country apart at the seams.

   Last week in Seattle, Mayor Ed Murray pardoned a tofu turkey. That’s weird, even by Seattle’s standards, so you can just imagine the horrors that will come next.

   A cranberry pardoning in Cape Cod. A nationwide movement to legalize marijuana stuffing. Gravy bans.
   And the worst outcome of all will be the unprecedented wave of illiterate turkeys that will soon be waddling across our northern and southern borders, drawn in by Obama’s promise of amnesty and free medical services under Ogobblecare.

   Those opportunistic turkeys will swiftly take the jobs of hardworking Americans, most likely members of Congress and telephone customer service representatives. And once Obama the Turkey Tyrant makes them all legal citizens, the Democrats will have an unbeatable base of human/bird voters to help them seize control of government and turn the nation into a vegan welfare aviary.

   That nightmare scenario doesn’t even factor in national security. A group of turkeys is known as a “gang,” so some of these illegal birds will undoubtedly be gang members. And founding father and noted electricity socialist Benjamin Franklin once described the turkey as “a much more respectable bird” than the bald eagle, indicating a plot against America hatched generations ago.

   Clearly, Obama must be stopped before America is irrevocably changed.

   I’m calling on all members of Congress who believe in freedom to halt this imperial president by suing him, threatening to impeach him and refusing to confirm any of his judicial or executive nominees. So basically just keep doing what you’re doing.

   As for the rest of you, please take to social media and e-protest Obama’s unlawful activity by using the hashtag #ProtestThePardon. By tweeting at the top of our lungs, our collective voice might be loud enough to put the president in his place (prison) and the turkeys in theirs (on large serving trays).

   Nothing less than the future of our democracy and the succulence of our Thanksgiving dinners are at stake.

   May God bless us and protect us from this fowl tyranny

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