Sunday, July 30, 2006

Thoughts of The Day - The Grocery Store

If I hadn’t mentioned it before, one of my careers was owning and running a convenience store.

While my father grew up, his step father owned a grocery store. When Dad got married he decided that would be a career that would prevent him from getting fired. Although my Dad was the greatest man I ever knew, he had a temper and a mouth. He did things his own way. These qualities do not go over well in the business world unless you are the boss.

So as I became older, this was the second career that I took to keep the family thing going.

Here are a few things that I have learned.

People smell funny. Most people practice good hygiene, but some must have missed health education in high school. There are only a few areas to concentrate on folks. Breath and Body Odor and Body dirt. Learn about them people, it's not that difficult.

Women have purses because they like to dig. Men have gone from using a flattened rock to oversized backhoes, because in our deepest human nature we must dig. Women have a subconscious desire to carry around their prized processions and occasionally have a need to perform archeological excavations in their purses. Usually this occurs when 10 or more people are waiting in line behind them.

There is a sort of mating ritual that men perform while selecting a malt beverage or some other form of alcohol to comsume. I call this The Beer Dance. Actually most folks know exactly what they are looking to buy (Milwaukee’s Light 12 pack - the cheapest beer known to man), but they like to ritualisticaly walk back and forth in an excited and rhythmic fashion examining all the beverages in the display case.

People have dirty feet & dirty belly buttons. Everyone wears flip flops. Everyone. I wish the olden day practice of foot washing that was prevalent in the Bible would come back into style. I don’t understand young girls that have showered, perfumed and decked themselves out in expensive clothing but have black soles on their feet. Short shirts are fashionable and so is naval jewelry. I know that many of you can not see your naval. Trust me it's there and it needs a good washing.

There are a lot of alcoholics and gambling addicted people. If you purchase a 6 pack of beer every day or spend more than a dollar a day on lottery tickets, perhaps you should seek counseling. You have a problem. I'm serious!

Every town has a church lady. We didn’t have any smutty magazines in our store. But that didn’t stop our church lady from asking me to cut out black paper and pasting it strategically on the covers of Cosmopolitan magazines, to make sort of bikini tops for the models. I didn’t follow up on her suggestion.

A lot of folks like to take their dogs on car rides. When the person gets out of the car, inevitably their dog jumps into the driver seat. Sometimes the pooches will put their paws on the steering wheel. You have to wonder if the dog is trying to make his getaway? I don't blame 'em.

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