Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Binky Fairy

I'll 'fess up. As a child, I never owned a binky or a pacie. However, I did have a Bundy and it had nothing to do with that bastard Ted.

My Bundy was pink and fluffy with rayon bunting around the edge. It felt nice and cool on my 4-year-old nose. It was especially great when combined with sticking two fingers in my mouth, which is how the young Marc slept back in the 1950’s.

Mom told me about The Sandman, who came through the front door of our apartment and put that nasty stuff in my eyes at night. Of course, I knew all about Santa, the present guy and the Easter Bunny, the candy guy, but I never heard of the Binky Fairy until recently.

There are now a couple of books out called Goodbye Binky "The Binky Fairy Story" and The Binky Ba-ba Fairy.

The Binky Fairy and the Binky Ba-ba Fairy have devised an evil plots to steal binkies out of the mouths of the very youngest of us. The Binky Ba-ba Fairy even swipes the poor kid's milk! The child is told the Fairy takes them and gives them to poor babies that need them.

Let me spell this out. The Binky Fairy comes and tells the kid to put the binky in a box or else and the kid has to leave it outside his or her bed, so little Miss Fairy can steal this unsanitary, unsterile pie-hole stopper from the snotty little tyke to give it to poor kids? Yeah right! Poor kids have enough problems without getting some orally transmitted disease from a kid that can afford to buy binkies that are not second-hand. The Binky Ba-ba Fairy even steals the kids bottle, milk and juice.  She just yanks it out of the babies mouth!  Then she rinses them off and recycles the nasty germ-ridden things.

I believe both Fairies probably have the loot repackaged and then they sell them at Wal-Mart or Family Dollar. In my opinion hat just sucks!

Now that I am thinking about it, babies literally suck.  Of course that is their way of getting nourishment.  I never used a binky.  I wasn't going to be fooled by some device designed to make me think I was getting fed. I wanted milk and I wanted it now and don't give me none of that 2% stuff.

My only experience with binkies consists of watching my grandkids. Their poor Mammas spend countless hours every day searching for the lost binky the little man tossed behind the couch or in the trash.

This past week Time Magazine ran an article about The Binky Fairy with all sorts of quotes and suggestions from this doctor and that educator debating the pros and con's of binkyology. What a pile!  I recall when Time was a news magazine.

The kid will give up the binky when the kid is ready.

I can think back to being six years old. There was this cute little girl in my first grade class. I wondered when we got married, would she let me sleep next to her with my bundy?

Maturity prevailed. I got older (seven) and gave up my bundy compulsion.

The cute little girl also got older, grew up and went on to marry someone else. I now wonder if she lets her husband sleep with his bundy. Or maybe he prefers a binky.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Even though this post is four years old, I feel compelled to tell you that it is moronic.