Saturday, August 05, 2006
A Childs View Of History - Part Four - The Medieval Times
Some people say medieval times were called the Dark Ages because there were so many nights, but that is just an old joke. It was really called the Dark Ages because it was always dark.
The leader of all the nights was King Arthur. He was called King Arthur because he wrote so many books. He would always eat lunch with the knites at a big round table.
King Arthur and the Nites would always go out and kill dragons or make them pay taxes. One time King Arthur rescued Jone of Ark from a dragon but then he burned her at the steak because she wouldn't pay taxes. I think he should have burned the dragon at the steak but then maybe he wouldn't have got the dragon's taxes either.
Joan of Arc - burned at the steak
-would not any pay taxes-
Robbing Hood was a very famous politician and thief. He stole from the rich and gave to the poor, but now you would get arrested for that unless you work for the government. Robbing Hood challenged King Arthur to a jostling match. Finally King Arthur arrested Robbing Hood and put him in Alcatraz.
Back then, everybody lived in castles. Most of the castles were dark and drafty but some of the ones in good neighborhoods had heating and air conditioning. Everybody was very bored because TV still hadn't been invented yet.
All the slaves in medieval times were called surfs. Later on they moved to California and invented surfing. All this happened after George Washington became King Arthur.
King Arthur had six wives and he chopped off all their heads at the same time. He had a daughter named Elizabeth II, who was also a boat.
King Arthur's wife wouldn't give him a son, so he wanted to divorce her. But the church wouldn't let Arthur divorce her so Arthur excommunicated himself and made everybody be a Protestant. This is why the Pilgrims wanted to leave.
Somewhere along in here came Bloody Mary. Bloody Mary was the meanest queen in history. She drank too much and died in the Roaring '20s.
King Arthur was killed in a plane crash in 1962.