Friday, August 04, 2006
A Child's View Of History - Part Three - Greece And Rome
Ancient Greece and Rome were two very large cities in Asia about four or five hundred years ago. The ancient Geeks and Roamans were always fighting each other. This is known as the Trojan War.
The ancient Greaks lived in a place called Grease. Everything there was very greasy. They had urns full of grease sitting around all over the place.
The ancient Greeks were very smart, because they invented schools. They invented the wheel. They invented triangles. I think they invented just about everything. But the Trojans were the ones who invented condoms.
The ancient Greeks and Romans worshipped mythology instead of God. They all wore sheets called togas. They had this one God that would get drunk all the time and go to toga parties when all the other Gods were out practicing for the Olympics.
The most famous Ancient Geek was Julian Seizure. Jules Ceszer invented the road, the calendar, and the salad. Julie Aseeser was a general in the Trojan War. The leader of all the Roamans was named Sid Caeser.
The Roamans were called that because they would always roam around taking over people. They wore helmets with brushes on top. They were always trying to take over the Greeks because the Roamans were warlike and the Greeks were peaceful so they thought the Greeks would be easy to beat. They would come riding up on their Trojan horses and steal the Greeks' women, buildings, and gods. But then the Greeks invented a giant magnifying glass so they could burn up the Roamans when they saw them coming.
The biggest battle of the Trojan War was the Battle of Salami. The Roamans finally defeated the Greeks because the Roamans had bigger shits. Jollius Ceasure was killed by Bluto, who played a fiddle while Rome burned.